today has been a rough day, real tired. good news, the NBA finals are on.

so on wednesday night, 6/14, i tangented on my blog that I might be watching the emergence of Dwayne Wade as a superstar, and it has materialized. you could see it in his eyes and his movement that night. games 3-5 were an incredible display as he singlehandedly willed the Miami Heat into control of the series (with a little help fro the refs) after being down 3-2. The true test is coming right now. O'Neal and Mourning are out with 5 fouls each and there are 7 minutes left in the game. the rest of the team is shooting 1 for 16 from 3 point land. Dallas is at home with the momentum, and is already shooting free throws after every foul. all signs point to a Dallas victory, lets see if Wade will arise. this will be fun to watch.

closer to 2 now

so its 1:30 and i'm still awake with mind racing, and a heart that is fearful, cautious, frustrated, confused, and sad after a conversation with a couple close friends. My body is so tired and worn down from this sickness, but my mind won't stop to let me sleep. I went into the conversation in prayer, but I haven't done a great job giving it to God since. Don't you hate when you think of things you wished you shared in a conversation as you are pondering it later on? I'm glad for these friendships that they are open books and so this story can continue to be written and i can bring my thoughts back to the table. This whole life of friendships and the attempt to follow Jesus is such a process. It would be nice if one conversation tidy'd everything up. Patience is a great virtue but in my life is strictly a fruit of the Spirit, nothing I possess in and of myself. Come Holy Spirit, come.

For all you out there praying, thank you and I could continue to use it. I was very tired after just a one hour trip to the office to meet with Mike Borst this evening (my first time I've been able to make it to the church since I've been sick!). Thankfully, the wonderful Hannah had dinner waiting on me when I returned and Matt dropped in for a conversation, which are never long enough. In other good news, I made a 20 minute walk around the Hauer residence last night, health here I come. Hannah and her parents have been a great help in that, taking me in to their home each weekend, feeding me, buying me herbal supplements, and watching over me, allowing me to sleep in peace for hours on end. Don't you worry Ruth and Cisco, I'm on my way.

In better news, here's Hannah and I during a beautiful day at the beach back in MD, sadly the first day of my sickness.



so i really enjoy the new hp commercials with shaun white and especially the one with Jay-Z.


the presence of God among the sick

Bonhoeffer writes about the importance of the minister regularly spending time with the sick because it administers God's presence.

Today God was present with me through the community of Christ. So I can hardly move around without my body starting to shake or needing to lay down and sleep for a couple hours and I had to go to campus for tutoring today because I've missed 2 classes. It was going to be a hard day.

Well, This morning Mari Hall came over and did my grocery shopping for me and wiped down our counters. Then Rootdown came over, made me lunch, and we had a great chance to share our hearts with each other. Following that Francine's small group including co leader Kelly Young, Katie Pakizer, and Anna Rimelspach brought me pasta, salad, breadsticks, dairy free chocolate chip oookies, and so much fruit, including melon. Then the ladies mowed our jungle like lawn.

On top of this I (tangent-I might be watching the evolution of Dwyane Wade right now, in 1 minute we'll know) come outside to the car, a bit fearful of how my body will hold up having to go out for so long and my car didn't start. So Kelly Young gives me a ride to and from class and while I'm in class she calls Andrew Sharp for me and he comes over to check out my car.

Tonight, Nate England grabbed me vitamins from GNC and Laura Young picked me up two movies from Blockbuster and I got to hear a cool story from her. Then of course, my lovely came over and prepared dinner for me and got me set for bed, even preparing my dinner in advance for me because I have to go into class for over 3 hours tomorrow night (please be praying).

How blessed am I? God has been so good in the middle of a draining day. I am going to sleep a lot tomorrow.

Thank you to everyone who gave and has been giving so much time and energy over the last 2 1/2 weeks. I don't know how I would have made it this far without you.

good for the soul

if one knows what is good for him or her, one will take the time to read The Book of the Dun Cow by Walter Wangerin Jr. I started it last night at midnight and finished it by 11 this morning with 6 1/2 hours of sleep in between. It kept my sick body awake ripping my emotions from the laughter that comes with a playful glee to sorrow, understanding, and longing which left me in pools of tears twice. quite strange for my normally collected being. God is good.... I am better for having experienced this writing. Beauty was contained within the pages.


"it was as if the melody had always been on the rim of her soul, waiting for the touch to release it."

from The Book of the Dun Cow


occupying my time

so here is a smattering of what has been filling my time other than being real sick the last 2 weeks.


Spiritual Care by Dietrich Bonhoeffer: a Fantastic book for ministers on spiritual care of the individual in the congregation. He has some profound insights on the role of the pastor in proclaiming God's Word into ones lives and allowing Christ to meet the individual and bring true healing. He really stresses the importance of insuring the obedient lifestyle of all those being cared for as the beginning place of all healing. You can tell he was a man who had sat down with many folks and knew how to see through thin confessions to the true matters of the heart and he was not afraid to speak law and gospel into them, much like Jesus with the adulteress. I appreciate the value he places on confidentiality for the minister and how it must be something kept even from the family. He urges that the parsonage should be a place any member of the body can walk into and trust that they haven't been "talked," about.

BodyPrayer by Doug Pagitt: a Great little book that takes a look at joining our physical bodies in our prayer. I have experienced the blessing of this in my own life previously and it is fun to read a little more about it. The book has about 30 different prayer postures with accompanying prayers and acripture texts along with journal space. So far, I've been hanging out with the posture for healing. I have been finding my whole being much more engaged in prayer. I like books that include practical elements to help you engage in your spirituality versus just being a book of theory.

Something Under the Bed is Drooling by Bill Watterson Classic Calvin and Hobbes is great reading right after I've popped 2 vicodin at about 11 at night or when Bonhoeffer is way too wordy and theologically inclined for my sickened state.

Music: Surprisingly, I haven't listened to muc, I've been preferring silence.

Athlete - Vehicles and Animals A decent Brit Pop album that gets a little silly with some of its synthy experimentation, but You Got the Style still has one of the best pop hooks I've heard in years.

Tom Conlon - Country Dog City Boy a great acoustic artist that my buddy Chris turned me onto. His simple songs really connect with my heart and their mellow nature is nice for my weakened state

Movies: again, only seen 4...even with being in bed for 2 weeks - if you have any suggestions not too much has seemed appealing.

Munich I'd give it 3 stars. It held my attention, Eric Bana gave a good performance and any Spielberg film is pretty. It had some intense moments, but it never quite captured my heart or seemed to have something that profound to say.

8 Mile It doesn't get much better than the VH1 edited version of an Eminem movie. I've never heard so many voices dubbed over or seen so many people flip each other the bird and forget to put their middle fingers up. Still, while this movie drags a little bit 2/3 of the way through, the closing is still one of the better climaxes I've ever seen to a movie. The rap battle at the end is like watching a great sports match, it makes you want to go out and learn how to be the best yourself. Curtis Hanson directs, (the same guy who made the masterful LA Confidential) and you can tell the movie has the touch of a great director, and while he was playing himself, Eminem doesn't do all that bad.

No Way Back A Russell Crowe, $5.00 WalMart bin classic. You know you are watching a good B movie when the opening scene included bearded and bald pierced and tattooed men with golf clubs, machete's, baseball bats, and axes walking down an alley after a scooter pulling a red wagon with a large box on it eerily comes to a stop in front of a cowering homeless man on a foggy night. And the action only continues from there..... Really not too bad, it held my attention, maybe even more than that Russell Crow bomb, Proof of Life.

The Constant Gardener I don't know how I feel about Ralph Fiennes in any movie, and I don't know why. But, he does a good job. Also, Rachel Weiss definitely gives her best acting job ever. It was nice to see her in a role with some substance and spunk. I really liked the love story. The journey to discover faithfulness is a cool one. Also, the beauty of Africa was haunting. The cinematographers did a great job.


mono strikes

so it's official - i have mono - which means at least another full week of just laying still in my bed feverish with my throat feeling like there is a mace in it. if you have a great book or movie you'd want to bring over i'd be grateful. and if you came with a treat that would soothe my throat, i'd be forever indebted. i am more ansy right now than i have ever been in my whole life.


Another Request for Prayer

I am still sick as a dog, I am going back into the doctors office this morning (2nd time in 48 hours). Please be praying for me, I've been sick since Sunday, haven't slept well at night since Tuesday, feel feverish, and like there is a drill in my ear and a mace in my throat. If I move for 15 minutes I have to lay down for 2 hours.

Because of that accounting homework is piling up. Plus, the Nehemiah Project and the CT Summer Kickoff are right around the corner, and I am now way behind on work for those. And I really miss my friends and coworkers. I don't really want to lay in this house for another day.

It is a time for healing...


elegant & tired

its been a long time. June is here, bringing with it new hopes, experiences, and dreams for myself and many good friends. The first 5 months of 2006 have been the surfacing of all my weaknesses in each resonsibility and relationship. I am praying for a season of peace to begin to address these issues. I need some time to be able to clean up the mess in the room rather than just stuff it in the closet.

already i feel this season of peace has been shot in the foot. I returned home from Maryland as sick as a dog - despite a visit to the doctor I am still not well and so i have fallen far behind on both work and school. Please pray that the magic pills would work and healing would begin. The Nehemiah Project and the CT Summer Kickoff are right around the corner and these both need my utmost attention. On the plus side I had a lot of great time in the word yesterday. If you haven't read luke 8 lately, you probably should.

alright, thats about all the energy i have, it is naptime again. If yo are the praying type, pray for the golf ball in my throat to subside and the earache to cease. Thank you.